I want to start this post by acknowledging that I come to this conversation with immense privilege. I am a white woman living in North America with a large platform to talk about issues like this.
The Back Story #ICYMI
On February 22, the Association of Fundraising Professionals published an article called “Why Are There So Few Male Fundraisers?” The content of the article was problematic enough on its own, but then it was shared as the lead story in AFP’s e-wire on International Women’s Day.
It seemed like an opportunity for conversation and push back so I took to Twitter. You can read all of the tweets on this topic here.
The Real Problems With This Article
Sure, the obvious one is the breathless lack of awareness to publish something like this on International Women’s Day to an association that is vastly female.
But, digging into the content of this article reveals the real underlying, ugly issues that we are facing. AFP is an association who is purporting the importance of diversity and inclusion, yet they are not walking the walk. In fact, we are miles away from equity. And isn’t that the larger issue that women are still facing not just in the fundraising industry but in so many others.
Here are the reasons why I believe this article is so problematic.
#1 – Perpetuating the idea that women should be making space
In North American culture women and girls are often being told to not be loud, to be still, to toe the line in various ways. This article is asking us to do that yet again. We are being asked to uphold the standards of male-dominated workforces and culture.
What even crazier about this is that many of us work in organizations that are advocating for social change. Why is AFP as professional association trying to set us back?
#2 – Asking women to do the emotional labor
Of all the things this article says, it was this that made me the angriest.
“And a large female environment can be uncomfortable and even intimidating for some young men. Men have told me they feel very alone, and that it’s hard sometimes to just go out for a beer after work. Given all that, what do we have to offer?”
What about women who are currently in non-profit work environments where they are intimidated by male bosses or board members? What about women who are dealing with sexual harassment or workplace bullying? What are the few men going to do to make us feel more comfortable?
The fact is that we as women are once again being asked to do the emotional labor for men. It is us who must change. It is us who have to oblige. It is us who must be accommodating. And to that, I simply ask, “Why?”
Why must we be the ones that have to change?
#3 – Reverse sexism is dangerous
The underlying implication in the article is that men are facing reverse sexism in the fundraising industry, as is made clear by the following from the article:
“Women dominate middle management, and do much of the hiring. . . I think they may lean towards women because they—rightly or wrongly—attribute stronger relationship building skills to women. If they already have six women on their team, they may lean towards the female candidate because she will fit more easily.”
The implication that women are sexist towards men has no basis what so ever.
The very definition of sexism is based on having some kind power in the first place over a group. And as we all know, it’s men who still have the upper hand so since women do not have that institutional power, they cannot be sexists, reverse or otherwise.
Furthermore, the implication of reverse sexism makes women relinquish what power they do have. Yes, we have made tremendous advances, but what should we give that up? We have fought for what equality we do have and we are still fighting.
#4 – Despite being a majority, we are facing huge issues
Women in the non-profit sector are still being paid less than men. Women are less likely to hold executive or management positions as compared to men. Women are dealing with workplace bullying and sexual harassment. Women are dealing with outdated HR policies that don’t give them the flexibility they need to parent.
Just because we are the majority gender in our profession, does not mean that our pressing issues are null. These are important issues and they affect more people. They need to be addressed and solved. Why is AFP as a professional association not advocating for us?
#5 – You can’t claim ignorance or relinquish responsibility
AFP, putting a disclaimer at the top of this article does not make you neutral.
“This article discusses gender behavior and thinking in a general way. It is not in any way trying to imply that all men or women act or behave in a certain way. Every person AFP interviewed for this article was quick to stress that their comments were being offered in an open, informational manner designed to elicit further conversation and opinion, and not meant to pigeonhole or stereotype members of either gender.”
You published this and now you must deal with the consequences. Take ownership and responsibility.
The Even Bigger Problem
What AFP did on International Women’s Day is certainly not the first kind of indiscretion that they’ve had as an association. In fact, it’s a series of indiscretions that really shows their true colors, which is why this was the tipping point for me personally. They have little accountability to their membership, a political analysis that is clearly lacking, and few meaningful actions that support the philosophies they espouse.
As we all know, actions speak louder than words and publishing this article speaks volumes.
As a female fundraiser and business owner, I take immense pride in being a part of an industry that is predominantly female. I mean it’s very rare, it’s something that you would think that they would want to really honor and celebrate but instead, we’re asking why are there not more men and we’re examining why men are uncomfortable in this profession.
AFP is looking at these absurd questions that are not actually valuable to the majority membership and to the broader professional as a whole. You have to wonder why they are doing that. As of yet, there is no good answer. Just really terrible politics and a stunning lack of awareness.
I think that as membership we have to push back. If AFP continues to be silent and shows no consistent action to make amends, then it might be time for us to question whether or not AFP is of real value to us.
What do we (as women) actually need as professionals? What is it that we need in order to succeed?
It’s sure as shit not an association that’s asking questions like, “What can women do to make men feel more comfortable in the fundraising profession?”
We really have to be asking ourselves these tough questions and I think as women we have to find ways to continue to support each other in this profession. If an association like AFP is not going do that for us I think that we have to come together as a community of women, of fundraisers, of people who are not included and not valued by AFP to figure these things out for ourselves.
Taking Action
I feel very fortunate that I have this large online platform in The Storytelling Non-Profit because I get a lot of questions from young women, about their careers, about consulting, about being entrepreneurs, about advancing in this profession. That’s partly because they are not able to get this information from an association that should be much more helpful than they actually are.
This is a real moment for us, women. I’m going to continue to beat the drum on this issue because it is too important not too. And I hope you will join me.
I am hosting a community call on March 20th to discuss our needs as professionals, how we can help each other, and how to hold AFP accountable. Everyone is welcome on this call. If you would like to join the call, please send me an email – vanessa@thestorytellingnonprofit.com – and I’ll send you the details.
You are welcome to use the image at the top of this blog post on social media, including profile images and headers. I’ve changed mine on Facebook and Twitter.
If you post critiques about this issue on social media, use the hashtag #FundraisingIsFemale so that we can find each other.
I also rounded up several other articles written about this issue, which you can find here.
Finally, if you feel so inclined, blog about this issue. If you don’t have a blog, you can try Medium. I’m also happy to publish your post here on The Storytelling Non-Profit.
Hell Yes sign me up for this call WTF AFP?!?!
Exactly, Maz! My alternative title for this blog post was: OMG AFP WTF
Vanessa,
you go girl, I can’t believe how worked up you got, your comment to Maz was priceless.
It’s a time to be worked up, Nana!
Men dominated this profession for many years, especially in academia but as more and more women entered the work for we have gravitated to work to make the world better; we collaborate better; we plan better and are great at building relationships. We also carry the heavy loads – literally. While there are severe disparities in salary and position still, there are places where women are valued. I work at such a place and have a male boss but he sees us as partners in good and he seeks my advice and counsel. Took me a long time to find such a place and I am grateful. The rest of the team is female 5-1 so we make a happy bunch supporeach other and focusing on the good we do every day.
AFP was wrong to publish on IWD and clearly did not ask the right questions – why are so men in the file these days? It’s incumben on AFP to ask them. Don’t blame the women and ask us to make more space – i know very few men who want to put goodie bags and name tags together for events, or even write grants.
I belong to NEAHP and it is not a sexist group (New England Association of Healthcare Philanthropy) also I belong to WID ( Women in Development- there are a few men) AFP will not get my membership $$$!!!
Linda – I’m really happy to hear that you work in such a great environment. I hope that this will be the case for more non-profits moving forward. And thank you for sharing the information about the other groups you belong to. It makes me feel hopeful that there are good, supportive alternatives to AFP and I hope that we can start to highlight them more so that people learn about them.
I think your point about men helping at events is excellent. This is something that local AFP chapter leaders could take upon themselves to fix. It should not always be women’s work to be the care takers.
As someone relatively new to the NPO world, I am anything but when it comes to the power dynamics of gender discourse [caveat: I would consider myself an ally on several justice fronts and in now way want to be viewed as “mansplaining” the topic at hand].
Privilege is often referred to as “invisible” because class, race and (in this case) gender are often subsumed under our daily operations to the point where only when we are literally the only one of our “group” do we see the contrast and experience being a minority; sometimes this is temporary, other times a state of being. For men in NPO’s I imagine the experience is the former, that when contrasted with broader demographics our “minority status” is nothing more than a mirage, an illusion of insecurity that is equated with a loss of power. This is the laughable result when media outlets frame certain professions as being guilty of reverse sexism which is akin to a legal defense of insanity: you know it’s wrong but you don’t want to be accountable.
Men have to rewrite this narrative, not women. Women have struggled too long to simply sit at the table while their male counterparts have been neutral at best. Male allies have to recognize that the advancement of women in all spheres of life benefits all of us. Professional opportunities allow a greater sense of authenticity individually and within our communities. In a radical postmodern vein, the “Other” must no longer be relegated to the sidelines. Individual men must be empowered to look within themselves to question, critique, and deconstruct the patriarchal structure than continues to turn a blind eye.
Patrick – I really appreciate your thoughtful response to this. I think you were spot on in saying that what’s happening is denying accountability. And to a larger extent, I think that is what AFP is doing now since they aren’t really addressing what they published or what they plan to do moving forward.
I do think though that men and women have to work together to solve this. It’s not something that men should fully take the lead on solving. If it just becomes men’s work, I think we run the risk of men making ill-informed decisions on behalf of women as we solve this. Good allyship, in this case, means conversation and listening, then deciding what actions to take based on what women are saying. And I hope that moving forward there will be opportunities for more conversation and collaboration.
Reason #652 why I admire you, Vanessa.
Thanks, Brianna. The admiration is mutual : )
Hope to see you on the call on March 20!
I’m not an AFP member, but now I certainly never will be. I also don’t work with any men, but if one was hired on to our team, I would certainly do my best to make him feel welcome and provide him with whatever resources he needed to succeed, just as I would do if a women was hired. Yes, fundraising is a female dominated profession, just as computer science is a male dominated profession, but that doesn’t give any of us a right to treat one gender or the other exclusively.
That said, I work in an office where exclusivity abounds and there isn’t a thing I can do about it. I do my best to just do my job and focus on my end goals. I’d like to say it has nothing to do with gender, but it has everything to do with it.
Vanessa, I’m emailing you when I get out of my meeting re: this and a few other things.
Hi Vanessa. As someone who is not a member of AFP nor working in America, my following comments need to be taken in the light that I have an outside, and you might consider unenlightened, perspective. I guess I just want to chuck in my objective 2 cents’ worth, by commenting on the points you raise. (1) “women should be making space” – the article said the FR sector is growing; therefore are women being asked to make space, or is the article asking how can everyone have a greater slice of a larger pie? (2) “asking women to do emotional labour” I agree I can hear the violin strings in the male commentator’s statement about young men feeling intimidated in a majority-female workforce. However are we not big enough to listen to an opposing view? Or do we apply the same principles we accuse males of applying to us? (3) reverse sexism – it does exist, just like any prejudice or bias exists, because humans (all genders) are fallible beings. BTW, it was a female, I believe, who made the comment about women hiring women. (4) I agree pay parity and HR policies are big issues that need addressing. But workplace bullying exists for all genders. Bullies are not just one gender. (5) “I take great pride in being part of an industry that is predominantly female.” I’m glad that you are proud of your profession. My hope is that we all could be proud of being part of an industry that changes lives, saves the environment, etc – without needing to ‘gender-fy’ it. Equal opportunities for all is best for all, and that includes men. If we can applaud and plan initiatives to attract women to male-majority industries like engineering, why can we not have initiatives that attract men to a female-majority industry like fundraising? To do that, we first need to understand the obstacles. And before we do that, discussion of ideas and issues needs to take place. If nothing else, the AFP article sure seems to have succeeded in that.
Dear Linda,
I have done many presentations about nonprofit workplace bullying, and I personally have experienced bullying from both people who identified as male and as female. I also majored in gender studies. And I’ve written a book about fundraising career empowerment, which has helped hundreds of people all over the world. This book was rated 5 stars on Nonprofit.About.com.
I tell you who I am to give you some context into what I’m about to say next. Based on my research, REVERSE SEXISM DOES NOT EXIST. Just like REVERSE RACISM DOES NOT EXIST. That is just not true. Look at this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw_mRaIHb-M
Transcribed, he says, “I could be a reverse racist! If I wanted to. All I would need would be a time machine, right? And what I’d do is I would get in my time machine and I’d go back in time to before Europe colonised the world, right? And I’d convince the leaders of Africa, Asia, the Middle East, Central and South America to invade and colonise Europe, right?
Just occupy them… steal their land and resources. Set up some kind of like, I don’t know… “Trans-Asian slave trade,“ where we exported White people to work on giant rice-plantations in China. …just ruin Europe over the course of a couple centuries, so all their descendants would wanna migrate out and live in the places where black and brown people come from.
Of course in that time, I’d make sure I set up systems that privilege Black and Brown people at every conceivable social, political, and economic opportunity. And White people will never have any hope of real self-determination. …every couple of decades make up some fake war as an excuse to go bomb them back to the Stone Age and say it’s for their own good because their culture’s inferior.
And just for kicks, subject White people to Coloured people’s standards of beauty, so they end up hating the colour of their own skin, eyes, and hair. If after hundreds…and hundreds…and hundreds of years of that… I got on stage at a comedy show and said, “Hey, what’s the deal with White people? Why can’t they dance? That would be reverse racism.”
The same is true for sexism.
For hundreds of years, we have had stereotypes of women that are just NOT TRUE. That make women subjugated in a variety of ways all over the world, including lower salaries, less opportunity for advancement, etc. Don’t believe me?
Look at the yearly Forward Jewish Salary survey, (http://forward.com/news/326610/it-still-pays-to-be-a-man-and-live-in-cleveland/) showing that for the vast majority of women in executive positions at nonprofits, they make less than men in similar positions, and the men hold the highest executive level positions at the biggest nonprofits.
So, if reverse sexism were to exist, that would mean we would need a time machine, to go back in time, to, say, 1300, and start a matriarchy where women became the supreme rulers of the world, telling men that they were hysterical, not leaders, dumb, and only good for impregnating women.
Then we would have women at the head of all of the major religions, systems of government, major corporations, for the next 700 years or so. Women would have to roam in gangs looking for lone men to harass and rape and kill. Women would have to have a reputation for hard driving decisions, leadership, and an unstoppable sex drive that made them NEED to go out and get their sexual needs met. Men would grow up afraid of being raped or afraid for their lives if they walked down the street alone in a crime ridden neighborhood. because what if they were dressed wrong and were “asking for it?”
Women would get higher salaries automatically because people just ASSUME that they are smarter and more capable of leadership. Women would need to be the dominant gender, with men “acting more like women to get ahead.”
And then, after all that, we could say, “What’s up with those men? Maybe they’re just not smart enough to be making a higher salary?” And THAT would be reverse sexism.
Do you see my point Linda?
You can’t have reverse racism because you can’t have reverse sexism, because in order to do that, you have to make an entire history that does not exist.
Mazarine
100% this!!!!!!!
Oh, Mazarine, you are my hera today.
Hi Linda – I really appreciate you taking the time to comment on this article. It’s a big issue and it warrants discussion from all perspectives.
For me, I think one of the things that I don’t address in my response but it definitely an issue at hand is the internalized sexism that women are dealing with. Internalized sexism suggests that girls and women are dealing with involuntary beliefs about lies, myths, and stereotypes of our gender. Internalized sexism happens for all genders, but what is particularly hurtful about female internalized sexism is that it gives a sexist institution a lever to make women feel guilty about their behavior, and thus bend to the patriarchy. And that’s essentially what I see happening in this article and with AFP. Not only are they not acknowledging inequality between genders, they are using internalized sexism to manipulate women into feeling guilty/bad about things they shouldn’t feel guilty or bad about.
Yep, exactly. Wow, it’s OUR FAULT that there are so few men in the sector! WOW, gender bias and men don’t feel welcome! No, I don’t think so.
Hi Mazarine. Thanks for your reply. Nope, I don’t see your point. Perhaps we have a different definition of reverse sexism. In my view the term means sexism by women towards men (traditionally regarded as the ‘dominant’ sex, as you yourself imply). But, if it helps, just take out the word ‘reverse’. Sexism is sexism. Have there been a lot of misogynists over the centuries? Check. But equally have all men been falsely stereotyped as rapists and oppressors? Check. How is a statement like ‘Fundraising is Female’ not sexist? I like this quote I read today: “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” – Mowlana Jalaluddin Rumi.
I think AFP achieved the goal of creating dialog about the issue of gender weight in the profession (despite the admitted bad timing of IWD). Next steps, further investigate whether the issue is important, valuable, meaningful…or not of particular concern.
Perhaps you could have a greater influence if you (Vanessa) were a member of AFP (at least you did not show up in my search of the database). And why would others not want to be members of AFP, “insiders” in the discussion? Get involved with a viable voice; make a difference by influencing your chapter, join an AFP committee on diversity/inclusion, have a voice in the governance or be the governance.
Participate in the inner circle of the conversation — there’s room for everyone.
Hello D.C . – Thanks for taking the time to read my post and respond.
I am a member of AFP. In fact, my membership comes up for renewal in August and I will not be renewing because of AFP’s poor politics and lack of interaction with members after publishing this article. It’s one thing to want to start a conversation about gender, it’s another to actually participate. In this instance, AFP has published this article and then not responded or participated in any of the conversation on social media or in other online forums. If they were really committed to the conversation, they should be showing up.
The fact is, gender inequality is not something unique to AFP members. All female fundraisers are dealing with it. It should not be an “insider discussion” as you mentioned. We should be welcoming all perspectives in the dialogue – members and non-members alike – which is what I hope to do here on this blog post and in the upcoming call.
Thank you one million times for this post. I’d missed the offending article (and man, it is offending) so appreciate catching the conversation.
I’ve been involved with AFP for almost ten years. I’m a monthly donor to the Canadian foundation, I’m Past President of my chapter and have attended numerous leadership meetings in Canada and the US. This is not an attitude that I have encountered and I am positively mystified by the series of decisions that were made before that article saw the light of day.
To say I’m disappointed by this is to not even scratch the surface.
I am looking forward to the call and need to go write to AFP now. 🙁
I could not be happier with the randomly generated avatar, by the way. Thanks for your work, Vanessa.
Jen, thank you so much for the solidarity and support! You’re awesome. I have to say I’ve seen very few current or past folks from AFP leadership speaking out and I’m really glad you did. Like you, I share that deep sense of disappointment. I expect so much more, such better behavior from a professional association.
Hi Vanessa! here’s the email I sent to AFP Public Affairs, and of course you might expect, the VP turns out to be MALE.
Hi, I guess you have heard from a lot of people, but I just wanted to add my thoughts.
This article was simply insulting to the women of AFP.
And it is beyond belief that you would print this on International Women’s Day. So tone deaf that it’s frankly embarrassing.
Whining about why the men have left the profession and worrying what we can do about it is not a problem I’m interested in solving, discussing or reading about.
I’d like to address the PAY GAP – why not write about why are the men in philanthropy paid MORE than women?
Write about the organizations where the good-looking grey suit with a penis sits in the corner office planning his next golf game. And all the women who work there are spending 18 hour days trying to save the world, neglecting their kids and health.
And he’s paid twice as much as they are.
Listen, I’ve seen it and I’ve experienced it.
The discrimination women face in our field is insulting and unbearable.
Why not write about THAT on Women’s Day? Am I angry? You bet I am!
And I guess you know that this article is generating and continues to generate “AFP trashing” conversations all over social media. Stuff like “why join AFP anyway?”
I am a huge supporter of AFP. Former chapter president and all. I hate to see you take such a serious misstep.
Sincerely, Gail Perry
Gail – thank you so much for sharing what you sent to AFP! It’s great to see so many people pushing back and giving them feedback about this huge misstep. Like I said to Jen above, I’m really pleased to see people from within AFP’s leadership speaking out and asking AFP to do better.
I do just want to let you (and others reading) know that when I talked to someone from public affairs at AFP last Friday, they told me that they were not receiving some emails (including the one I had sent). Apparently, if you replied directly to the email AFP sent, they may not have received it (a rather convenient tech problem). It’s much better to email paffairs@afpnet.org.
Gail, I didn’t think it was possible to adore you more than I already did, but this is wonderful. THANK YOU.
I am really struggling with this. A lot. At our local AFP chapter board meeting this week we talked about National Philanthropy Day speaker options and how much we’d love to have a certain person because she does so much for community and to mentor women in entrepreneurship and leadership. This is the same tone deaf thinking that tells us that all lives matter. There are so many fronts to work on when it comes to social justice, reconciliation with Indigenous peoples, women’s rights, that is is especially wearying and disheartening when it comes from our own sector. Sigh.
I came to fundraising three years and one month ago (to the DAY!) with stars in my eyes. I had visions of saving the world from all the bad guys. I was going to put on my power suit and my heels and save the world from everything terrible. I won’t say I chose the wrong career path because I know deep down that I didn’t, but man alive, sometimes it’s tough to get out of bed in the morning. I wanted to be an AFP member and go to their conference (especially this year because it’s in San Francisco, which is a stone’s throw from where I currently live and that city gives me all the feels for its culture, but anyway…).
Then I read articles like this and it makes me want to fight even harder, but it also exhausts me and ties my stomach in knots because I’m just one person and I’m trying to raise money in a part of the sector where I’m not doing much good in the world. I go to bed weary each night, wondering what the point is, and what I can do to find a better way.
I look at charities like charity: water or St. Jude’s or any number that aren’t coming to mind right now and know they have similar struggles, but people need water and people love kids. People don’t love community colleges. #thestruggleisreal and I am exhausted and it’s only been six months at this gig. What can I do?
How would you feel if we woke up tomorrow and 75% of fundraisers were men and 25% were women. And then AFP wrote this exact blog, but in reverse? “How do we get more women in fundraising?” How would you feel about it then? Would you still criticize them for asking a question and providing facts?
Hi Bri – If that were actually the case, then we would be appropriate trying to solve issues of gender inequality. What’s problematic – as I pointed out in my post – is that not only are there fewer men in fundraisers, they are being paid more and more likely to be in executive positions. There is nothing equitable about that.
Okay. But what about the women at my nonprofit fundraising job that do WAY LESS than I do and still make more than me? I work 50-60 hours a week, they work 20-30 hours a week and leave early every day. I’ve raised almost ONE MILLION dollars in funds this year, they have raised MAYBE $100,000. The only thing she has on me in seniority. She has been here 2 years, I have been here 1 year. How is that equitable?
It’s not equitable and that’s the point. This is why we need to coming together and talking about how we can better advocate for ourselves within our organizations, the profession, and the sector. I was in a similar situation as you a few years ago and it really demoralizing for me. I raised more money than some of the other fundraisers on our team and was paid nearly $20k less than them. I was told that because I was in annual giving and not major gifts that I was not a “real fundraiser” and so I was paid less. It was a really frustrating situation and I had no external resources to help me through it. That’s why I think it’s important for us to talk about this and problem solve. We need these kinds of resources.